I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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