She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize