you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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