I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
