i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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