"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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