I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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