haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
