She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
not ubering you a puppy
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
