her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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