No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
