You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
