Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
