he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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