Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
