i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
