i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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