How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
