if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
