you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
