That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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