You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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