he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
