dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
