Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think a kid would responsible me up
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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