I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
