if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
