I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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