Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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