That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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