I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
