If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
