that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize