The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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