Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
