your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize