I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
