I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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