i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize