Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
