Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
