After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
