Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
