this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
