and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
