my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
