Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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