I accidentally had phone sex last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize