Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
