end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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