Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
