sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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