just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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