he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize