I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
