I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize