I wish I only lived at night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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