I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
