I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
