The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
