We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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