I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
