You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
