You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
