The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
