he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
