Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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