onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
