tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
