I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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