Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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